On Acceptance, Adulthood and the 1980s
Nov. 7th, 2021 10:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chescaltcFirst of all let me start this post by saying that I'm doing better!! I mean, we can't...really....ever be sure of that (I recently had PMS and CAN CONFIRM I was a horny, sad, emotional little dove, as we tend to be...) but, something is definitely in the air and it's doing a great job lifting my cold, dead soul up. I still think about death and dying every day, but also kinda accepted that maybe that's gonna stay for a while and there is no use resisting. Just let it happen you know. I kept thinking that I had to go back to my old self before my father died so I can get some semblance of footing but I have changed and it's better to just... *in my lame attempt at a southern accent* let it happen the way it's supposed 'ta.
And in this weird navigation throughout my new adult experience I find myself...drawn to 1980's America in a way I've never been before lmao. Weird how life works this way, no? See, when I was a child, and I don't know how nuts I'll sound saying this but I've always associated adulthood with that 80s, jazz-filled urban solo living that's very moody and calm at the same time??? And I don't know why that is. Maybe I've watched The Fabulous Baker Boys a tad too young or perhaps romanticized this kind of, independent introspective adult life when I saw Frankie and Johnny when I was like, ten. Somehow I wanted that for myself when I reach my late twenties and it's become this sort of fantasy and now that I'm IN IT, I'm drawn back to that aesthetic and I don't know why that feels crazy! It calms me in a way? That weird nostalgia thing...but also provides me some sense of peace and focus and motivation (which I need because grad school is KICKING MY ASS but I DIGRESS bc this could easily turn into an oversharing embarrassment). I wonder if other people also associate adulthood with a certain vibe? It's just so fascinating to me to be drawn to everything 80s now because it just feels so right. My early 20s were all about the 70s but now that I'm 28 I'm all about the shoulderpads and monochromatic power suits and SADE. Must have lived a parallel life as a Boomer or something.
In other news, my fam and I recently finished Ted Lasso and LOVED IT. Lurking on tumblr and reading all the metas give me delight. Hannah Waddingham can run me over and I'd thank her.
Also had a week of "reading break" from school and it was SUCH A WELCOME REST GOD. And did I mention my girlfriend visited the house last Wednesday? Ohmygod it was the first time we've seen each other since my birthday back in May (and yes, since my dad died too) and it was good...but she needed some time getting used to all the changes. Quite frankly I do too, and I try not to overthink it, but it's very clear we're living different lives and growing separately. Familiar yet foreign...dwelling on it makes me a bit sad honestly...but also hopeful and loved. It felt incredible to hold someone and be held though...truly can't beat that!
Anyway, I gotta sign off for now. I could talk your ear off for hours because literally, there is so much I want to get off my chest but I'm trying not to dump everything in one go, you know? So I'm saving some for later. Sending good energies for all of us starting yet another work week!
And in this weird navigation throughout my new adult experience I find myself...drawn to 1980's America in a way I've never been before lmao. Weird how life works this way, no? See, when I was a child, and I don't know how nuts I'll sound saying this but I've always associated adulthood with that 80s, jazz-filled urban solo living that's very moody and calm at the same time??? And I don't know why that is. Maybe I've watched The Fabulous Baker Boys a tad too young or perhaps romanticized this kind of, independent introspective adult life when I saw Frankie and Johnny when I was like, ten. Somehow I wanted that for myself when I reach my late twenties and it's become this sort of fantasy and now that I'm IN IT, I'm drawn back to that aesthetic and I don't know why that feels crazy! It calms me in a way? That weird nostalgia thing...but also provides me some sense of peace and focus and motivation (which I need because grad school is KICKING MY ASS but I DIGRESS bc this could easily turn into an oversharing embarrassment). I wonder if other people also associate adulthood with a certain vibe? It's just so fascinating to me to be drawn to everything 80s now because it just feels so right. My early 20s were all about the 70s but now that I'm 28 I'm all about the shoulderpads and monochromatic power suits and SADE. Must have lived a parallel life as a Boomer or something.
In other news, my fam and I recently finished Ted Lasso and LOVED IT. Lurking on tumblr and reading all the metas give me delight. Hannah Waddingham can run me over and I'd thank her.
Also had a week of "reading break" from school and it was SUCH A WELCOME REST GOD. And did I mention my girlfriend visited the house last Wednesday? Ohmygod it was the first time we've seen each other since my birthday back in May (and yes, since my dad died too) and it was good...but she needed some time getting used to all the changes. Quite frankly I do too, and I try not to overthink it, but it's very clear we're living different lives and growing separately. Familiar yet foreign...dwelling on it makes me a bit sad honestly...but also hopeful and loved. It felt incredible to hold someone and be held though...truly can't beat that!
Anyway, I gotta sign off for now. I could talk your ear off for hours because literally, there is so much I want to get off my chest but I'm trying not to dump everything in one go, you know? So I'm saving some for later. Sending good energies for all of us starting yet another work week!
