idk wtf!!!
Oct. 15th, 2021 10:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chescaltcSO I know I said I'd stop with the online lurking and pull myself out of this ocean of confused isolation...I still haven't done it. Like for what reason, I don't know. I'm just a bit scared lately, and I keep insisting I need to start taking steps into becoming me again but here I am paralyzed and incrementing useless screen time just so I could feel...I don't know, SOMETHING.
Lmao and my job applications are going n o w h e r e because I'm so bad at time management that my demo progress is literally at zero. I know, it's embarrassing. Literally cannot show my face to my own eyeballs lest I die from shame.
Grad school is going...fine. I'm not behind on my coursesyet, but I'm trying to adjust and blah I don't know dude!!! Honestly my life right now is just an unhealthy mix of confusion, fear and numbness and I keep taping myself together and the roll is running out but I can't bring myself to go to the store to buy new ones!!
And all I can do is like...curl up in a ball and cry and eat junk food i don't know what the fuck!! CALL 911!!!
I'm so tired of being alone, man.
Or maybe it's just my period playing tricks on me, or maybe it's too much change and the freak out turns into paralysis.
Whatever it is, please pray that I get my shit together bc i cant go on like this!!! lmao gIRL BUT ANYWAY SOME POSITIVE THINGS! I started drawing again!! It's going a lil' slow but u know, I'm enjoying it. Like maybe a new self-portrait is gonna help me become my New and Improved self. No harm in trying, right? I'll let you know what happens when I finish it. Also cannot wait to start drawing Brenda/Sharon again because no matter what tragedy my life arrives at, fandom is forever. That is my lesson for this year lol I'd be lying if I told you I haven't been thinking about them constantly. I miss themmmm literally praying to every goddess present to help me get my shit together so I could draw my ship lmao my only cure from this cruel world!!
EDIT: Wow I just re-read this and....that's a crazy person talking jesus effin' christ i am definitely going bonkers.
Lmao and my job applications are going n o w h e r e because I'm so bad at time management that my demo progress is literally at zero. I know, it's embarrassing. Literally cannot show my face to my own eyeballs lest I die from shame.
Grad school is going...fine. I'm not behind on my courses
And all I can do is like...curl up in a ball and cry and eat junk food i don't know what the fuck!! CALL 911!!!
I'm so tired of being alone, man.
Or maybe it's just my period playing tricks on me, or maybe it's too much change and the freak out turns into paralysis.
Whatever it is, please pray that I get my shit together bc i cant go on like this!!! lmao gIRL BUT ANYWAY SOME POSITIVE THINGS! I started drawing again!! It's going a lil' slow but u know, I'm enjoying it. Like maybe a new self-portrait is gonna help me become my New and Improved self. No harm in trying, right? I'll let you know what happens when I finish it. Also cannot wait to start drawing Brenda/Sharon again because no matter what tragedy my life arrives at, fandom is forever. That is my lesson for this year lol I'd be lying if I told you I haven't been thinking about them constantly. I miss themmmm literally praying to every goddess present to help me get my shit together so I could draw my ship lmao my only cure from this cruel world!!
EDIT: Wow I just re-read this and....that's a crazy person talking jesus effin' christ i am definitely going bonkers.
