It's a liminal space situation for me right now since my interview with the wallpaper company job I was excited about is finally d-o-n-e! I think I did alright...mostly just answered all the questions as candidly as I could. Since the control is now ~out of my hands~, I have a little bit of time to kill before I receive the news that will decide which direction the gears of my life will shift once again.
In the meantime, a trial on future graveyard shifts is currently on the works. Been joining C during her work hours on vidcall as sort of a soft launch on my own employment once I get some news back. Some realizations...mental adjustment is actually quite easy, body and social adjustments however *swings palm sideways* a bit of a wait-and-see. When you're living with adults in the same house, you are expected to do certain tasks and responsibilities on certain hours that would only work if you're operating on a normal day schedule, so THEY also need adjusting. A little bit of bumps on that still, but I'm optimistic things will develop into a routine soon.
You know, as I'm writing this, thinking about where I am in life career-wise, I realized what a relief it is to finally be involved in a job that would not require me to be in social media all the time. Over the years I've gradually weaned from it, although I still lurk on tumblr and twitter on occasion I'm just glad I'm not required to be there (as opposed to being a professional artist where an internet presence is necessary). Something happens to my psyche seeing people on twitter ranting about whatever it is that's hot these days, or how oversaturated art has become and how artists aim to go viral at least once, and that exhaustion I've found out hinders me from writing long-form paragraphs such as this. It inhibits expression and poetry and creative rationalization and breeds...well, laziness. At least in my case. Writing entries like this ground me somehow. My one pillar from the hurricane of social media, technology and artificial intelligence. Hoping to turn this into a habit and perhaps do something more creative in the future too.
Also, taking the time to include this here as I'm sure I will return to this very important video every once in a while, in my life. First time I'm watching this and I am just in awe.
Coincidentally, I found myself drawn back to this amazing Shirley MacLaine Oscar speech that is strangely also relevant right now.
Sometimes I need to remind myself that I deserve good things in life too. Same way I deserve being a Prepress Designer at Calico Wallpaper (hey, we need to be specific!). My mind is a talkative villain most days, always convincing me not to put so much faith on my dreams and desires and keep a realistic hold that things might not turn out the way I want them to, but I really want this. In this moment, I believe I deserve this job, and I truly hope I get it. After I publish this entry, I might write some notes on my notebook to remind myself of quotes like this. Most of the time, we are drawn to the answer we needed to hear anyway.
EDIT: I just got rejected from my backup job and I'm nervous. Pray for me whoever is out there!!
